Proper Twelve Irish Whiskey 40%

From the off I didn’t want to like this because I think its front man Connor “Notorious” McGregor is an arsehole, I get he’s a good fighter but I also think his showmanship goes too far and that, frankly, he’s an embarrassment to combat sports, and all that pissing about pretending to give Mayweather a contest was a joke too.

So it’s with absolute fucking glee that I bring to you another howler of a review courtesy of Phil from Causeway Coast Whiskey Reviews who sent me a sample after he himself gave it a less than warm reception.

There is no doubt Irish whiskey is going through something of a purple patch, sales are soaring, distilleries opening up left right and centre and that’s all good, but there is a darker side to this too. There is a joke that basically all Irish whiskey is produced by a couple of firms and then just punted out in fancy bottles, and there is some truth here, remember the lying bastards over at Hyde whiskey? With their rolling hills and Irish rivers of the purest water bollocks? Remember their distillery which didn’t exist on any map because it didn’t exist, remember? And now this, a new whiskey fronted by Mixed Martial Arts legend McGregor.

Proper Twelve, and here begins my problem with this, I cannot fathom for the life of me why a company, any company, can get away selling a whiskey with the word TWELVE plastered across the bottle without the whiskey being twelve years old, it’s smoke and mirrors marketing horseshit and I very much disapprove.

Oh and in the advert for this McGregor himself says “Proper Twelve” the camera then shows the bottle, then the caption “aged for years” appears, if that isn’t disingenuous I don’t know what it.

Next is the price, this is around £30, to put that into context you can get Tullamore Dew, Bushmills, Jamiesons for £20 if you look about and if you’re lucky you’ll find that Aldi sometimes sell their own brand Irish whiskey which is excellent value for money, the 26 Year Old from last year (was one of the gems of the year, so this, because it’s young, cheap Irish whiskey is a tenner too much, at least, and that’s taking the piss, it’s just letting people get taken in by a marketing pitch and I have no doubt that every bottle of this will sell out within weeks, and that annoys me, which you’ll all know by now.

Water does nothing to this either way, knock yourself out, I took it neat and with water.

Nose.  Harsh, like a straight right hand in the face, there is a chemical fruit note, like cheap boiled sweets, touch of lemon sherbet and I’ll be kind and say that there is a caramel note that comes through but again, a sort of chemical caramel, nice.

Palate. Vanilla and honey, something floral, something woody, there is an element of spice here too but a sort of unpleasant under cooked spice, sigh. I have tasted better aftershaves.

Finish. A finishing arm bar culminating with a compound fracture, would be more welcome than this dull spirity finish.

For fucks sake, you know the worst thing about this? It’s just so fucking boring, Connor struts about in full length Gucci fur coats, a man who wore a suit with “fuck you” stitched through it screams at opponents during press conferences and is a brutal, skilled and dangerous fighter, a man with one of the best reflex striking abilities Mixed Martial Arts has even seen yet this is the shit he’s put his name too?

I wanted fire, I wanted something to hit me, I wanted something to talk about, to get a whiskey that gets people talking about decent Irish whiskey because I welcome more good product but what we get here is a boring Irish whiskey which brings nothing to the table, in fact if anything it puts Irish whiskey back a step or two.

Sorry Conor, but you’ll do fucking nothing, not with this.

The Captain.

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